Coming off a crappy week of ratings last week, WWE has a plan: give us more of the same and hope we like it better this time. Will it succeed? Nope. But anything else simply wouldn’t be WWE Raw.

The official logo for WWE Monday Night Raw. Credit: WWE.
The official logo for WWE Monday Night Raw. Credit: WWE.

WWE Raw Report for September 14th, 2020 Part 2

After a very exciting promo between Hurt Business, now with more Cedric Alexander, and Apollo Crews, and Ricochet, it’s finally time for a match.

Ricochet vs. Cedric Alexander

  • Hey, when did this turn into 205 Live?
  • The match starts out with a flurry of offense before devolving into chaos as Bobby Lashley beats up Crews outside, and then Erik comes out to brawl with Lashley. Naturally, WWE takes a commercial break just as things are getting exciting.
  • And it comes back to Cedric Alexander working a headlock on Ricochet. Brilliant.
  • To their credit, though, they have an extremely flippy match after that—so many flips. You wouldn’t believe the flips.
  • Even the Lumbar Check us extra flippy. Alexander gets the win, by the way.

The lights go out after the match, and Retribution logos appear across the Thunderdome because, as we all know, any Antifa-like non-political anarchist group worth its salt has complex LED graphics programs set up to work with the Thunderdome screens.

“Listen up to you, and all the other so-called superstars,” says medium-voiced Retribution guy. “We are the product of empty promises. The results of lies, greed, and betrayal. We once trusted, but now we walk with eyes wide open.”

“We see what you are,” adds a tall, deep-voiced Retribution guy. “Waste. Scrap. Byproduct. When you show loyalty to an entity that casts people aside like garbage, you become garbage. When you sell your soul to a corrupt machine, you become corrupt. Like you, we once believed that our time at a performance center would lead us to fame and wealth. Unlike you, we refuse to suck up to an entitled machine. So while you enjoy your last days until Oblivion, we prepare to show you exactly who we are while we guy your reality. We are Retribution!”

LOL. All the other “so-called” superstars. “We once believed that our time at a performance center would lead us to fame and wealth.” Who writes this crap? Hurt Business are ready in the ring, but no one shows up to fight them.

Sarah Schreiber talks to Mickie James backstage. She asks what emotion fuels her tonight. Mickie says she loves this business with every bit of her heart and soul, and she’s given herself to the business. She loves competition like the kinda champ like Asuka brings out in her. It’s clear to her more than ever that she’s always had what it takes to be the Raw Women’s Champion, but what fuels her is knowing tonight could be her last chance to win it. Raw goes to commercials.

Adam Pearce is berating security guards backstage when Hurt Business approach. MVP tells Pearce that if he doesn’t find a solution to Retribution soon, he’ll be fired. Pearce says that’s not MVP’s concern. Lashley says it is if he says it is. MVP says it’s time to upgrade security from boys to men. MVP tells Pearce to let Hurt Business help him keep his job. Pearce thanks them for volunteering. They laugh. MVP says this is a business, and Pearce will get a bill.

Why doesn’t someone just call the police on Retribution? Asuka is in the ring, and then Mickie James comes out.

Mickie James vs. Asuka – Raw Women’s Championship Match

  • I would love to see Mickie get another title run, but it’s never gonna happen.
  • That being said, without the pressure of needing to pretend Mickie has a chance of winning, these two put on a pretty damn good match.
  • I make an important realization during this match: Dolph Ziggler sucks on commentary. Usually, anything other than the usual jokers on commentary is an improvement, but not in this case.
  • The match gets sloppy at the end in several ways, but the worst part was the finish. Asuka puts the Asuka Lock on James for about three seconds. Mickie Flips it over into a pin, and the ref calls the match off and says Mickie can no longer compete. What?

I don’t know what happened there, but that ending really sucked. Did Mickie get injured? Did they go overtime? I bet there’s a very interesting story behind this we’ll hear on the dirt sheets tomorrow morning, which may or may not even be true.

Zelina Vega comes out to talk some trash to Asuka. She says she’s been thinking about her future. It dawned on her today that she’s wasted some of the best years of her career managing those ingrates, Angel Garza and Andrade. She says Asuka is also an ingrate. She was handed the Raw Women’s Championship, and she’s been reckless with it. Asuka is so focused on the superstars of yesterday that she’s forgotten about one of the best superstars in the business today: Zelina.

Asuka grabs the mic and shouts something in Japanese, which I’m pretty sure translates to “your promo came off like one of those auto-generated ones from a WWE video game.” Zelina slaps her and runs away.

Charly Caruso talks to Keith Lee backstage. She asks if he’s excited for his opportunity tonight. Lee says Nah, he doesn’t care. Just kidding, of course, he’s excited. He talks about his friendship with Drew McIntyre, but the goal is to be WWE Champion, and it drives all of them. He knows Drew will do whatever it takes to remain champ, just like Keith will do whatever he must to become champ. Charly asks if Lee will take advantage of Drew’s injured jaw. Lee says he doesn’t want to take advantage of his friend, but he’ll do what he must. Raw takes a commercial break.

Bobby Lashley comes to the ring. Then Erik does. MVP gets on commentary. Is it finally Erik’s time to shine? Find out in part three of our WWE Raw report.

This post is part of a multi-part series: WWE Raw Report for September 14th, 2020.

About Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry’s darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!

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